ID: Advice

By The Therapist et al

ID:  Advice

Q1. My husband and I are not on the same page sexually, he thinks sex is just about missionary position on an occasional Sunday morning, I want it to be more than that. How can I spice up our sex life without him feeling affronted?

A: Everybody else will say talk first… I say - “Accidentally” leave some porn playing on a computer or TV where you know he will see it. Gauge his reaction… if he’s hard, offer him a blowjob. If he’s angry, talk to him about an open relationship… if the answer is still no, after that… the writing is on the wall.
(Answered by Max Bonny)

A: Have you tried talking to him? Communication is important. He might be feeling the same way and just doesn’t know how to approach the subject. I suggest sending him a spontaneous sexy text message and see how he responds or leave out lingerie and ask him what he would like to see you wear.
(Answered by The Therapist)

Q2. I’m an anal virgin, I really want to try it but my girlfriend says no, how can I persuade her to let me play with her forbidden hole?

A: You can’t ‘persuade’ her to do anything but what you can do is discuss it. Try and understand her reason for saying no but do not put her under pressure or try and coerce her.
(Answered by Max Bonny)

A: Many women are unaware of the pleasure that can be achieved through anal play so education may be key here. Talk to her and discuss why she is apprehensive, first of all. If it is the technical side of things or potential pain, you could look at articles or sexual health websites together. If she feels well-informed, this may reduce her nerves and give her a sense of security to play and explore further. If anal has simply never interested her, why not buy her some steamy and sensual erotica that features gentle and fulfilling anal, in order to spark her imagination? Finally, you don’t have to jump in at the deep end with full on anal sex! Rubbing, touching, circling and even licking can be a great place to start and can help to build comfortability. Also, small toys or a finger (with plenty of lube) can be a fun way to introduce the pleasure of anal penetration and help her to enjoy this new sensation.
(Answered by The Secret Submissive)

Q3. We’re an adventurous couple, I really want to try some bondage and spanking but my husband says it’s abusive and he would never hurt me. I want to tell him it’s OK. What is the best way to learn about and discover if BDSM is for me?

A: Read, research, ask questions from people in the community; share your findings with your husband. Dominants are controlling but NEVER abusive, they respect their subs and pander to their desires, they stop and talk when limits are reached, Dominants deliver what their submissives need based on understanding NOT a desire to inflict suffering. It’s possible that your husband has misguided perceptions and doesn’t fully understand BDSM dynamics.
(Answered by The Therapist)