Indulgent Desires Advice Column
by 'The Therapist'
Q My husband and I are not on the same page sexually, he thinks sex is just about missionary position on an occasional Sunday morning, I want it to be more than that. How can I spice up our sex life without him feeling affronted?
A Everybody else will say talk first… I say - “Accidentally” leave some porn playing on a computer or TV where you know he will see it. Gauge his reaction… if he’s hard, offer him a blowjob. If he’s angry, talk to him about an open relationship… if the answer is still no, after that… the writing is on the wall.
Q I’m an anal virgin, I really want to try it but my girlfriend says no, how can I persuade her to let me play with her forbidden hole?
A Many women are unaware of the pleasure that can be achieved through anal play so education may be key here. Talk to her and discuss why she is apprehensive, first of all.
If it is the technical side of things or potential pain, you could look at articles or sexual health websites together. If she feels well-informed, this may reduce her nerves and give her a sense of security to play and explore further.
If anal has simply never interested her, why not buy her some steamy and sensual erotica that features gentle and fulfilling anal, in order to spark her imagination?
Finally, you don’t have to jump in at the deep end with full on anal sex! Rubbing, touching, circling and even licking can be a great place to start and can help to build comfortability. Also, small toys or a finger (with plenty of lube) can be a fun way to introduce the pleasure of anal penetration and help her to enjoy this new sensation.
Q We’re an adventurous couple, I really want to try some bondage and spanking but my husband says it’s abusive and he would never hurt me. I want to tell him it’s OK. What is the best way to learn about and discover if BDSM is for me?
A Read, research, ask questions from people in the community; share your findings with your husband. It’s possible that he has misguided perceptions and doesn’t fully understand BDSM dynamics. Dominants are controlling but NEVER abusive, they respect their subs and pander to their desires, Dominants stop and talk when limits are reached, they deliver what their submissive needs based on understanding NOT a desire to inflict suffering.